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"When I was seven years old
we adopted a dog
who ran away two weeks later,
back to the home of the man
who didn’t want her.

We found her there,
howling at the darkened windows.
No one lived there anymore.
All the doors were locked.
Dogs are so disappointing in their loyalty
to the wrong things.

When Oscar Wilde was asked
about the man he went to prison for loving
too publically, he said,
He ruined my life,
for that very reason I seem forced
to love him more.

I imagine
being the mother of a killer
is like being a child
with only broken dolls left to play with.

And all of this is to say
I’m having the kind of afternoon
where I break a dish and stand
over the kitchen sink staring
at the two irreparable halves,
willing myself to feel anything
other than this.”

- Clementine von Radics

1. This morning I googled
“Signs of Domestic Abuse”
to remind myself I was right.
I still flinch at slamming doors,
a broken dish, a white couch.
There are days I yell so loud
I swear it’s your voice
In my throat.

2. I have learned this world
is the size of a fist, lately
an open palm.
Where ever you are,
you will probably read this.

3. Good.

On The Occasion Of Our Anniversary, Clementine von Radics (via clementinevonradics)

"I have always been tough. I have a will like steel. I am the nail and the hammer that hits it. I am the wolf. The lion. The last one standing. I do not cry in public, complain when I am hurt, or give up. I push harder. I am a fighter.

But sickness? Sickness comes for you no matter how tough you are. I can try to ignore it, to push it away, but the truth is still there, hard and edgeless: I have lost something that cannot be recovered. There is something stubborn and unwelcome in my body, and it is stronger than my will.

My illness is not a death sentence, at least not an immediate one. If all goes well, I have a lot more years ahead. The struggle now is to accept the dichotomy: to be sick and still be whole. To be sick and still be tough. To be sick, and maybe even to be tougher than I was before.

Now I live side-by-side with the thing that hurts me. It is there when I laugh and kiss my boyfriend and write poetry. It is there when I take my pills, when my hair comes out in clumps, and when I can’t sleep from the pain. My sickness is there when I look in the mirror. It is not all that I am, but it is an inexorable part of me. I am finally beginning to accept that. Which is to say, I am learning to accept the world in all of its contradictions and live as best I can within them.”

Clementine Von Radics

This woman truly gets life in ways that a lot of other people don’t. And seeing her express her feelings about living with a chronic illness is so comforting. 

(via icantfindmywaybacktoneverland)

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